The death is a great teacher in my life. In what ways?

Abhinivesha  — the last kleshas, the last affliction. We identify ourselves with body and mind.

We believe that with the death of the body, we die with it.
This where the fear of death is born unconsciously.
Many psychologists and scientists conclude that all fears come from fear of death.
A person lives in a state of «fight or flight» and makes many decisions within the sympathetic nervous system.
Panajali writes in Yoga Sutras that even Abhinivesha is natural even for wishmen.
Even an enlightened person has a natural survival instinct, and therefore an instinctive fear of death, a kind of»program firmware» of the physical body.
According to my observations, we cling to life for several reasons:

1. lack of spiritual development;
2. identifying myself as I am the Body and the Mind;
3. affection and accumulation;
4. not knowing what happens after the body dies.

Over the past two years, my family has suffered two losses.
I lost my biological father in 2019, my husband lost his father in 2020.

My researching personal trait was studying the behavior of close people at the funeral.
How tragic and painful the ceremony was.
How painful it was for the family and my spouse to accept the loss.
How wise traditions are in central Asia, in  Western Kazakhstan.

It wasn’t so dramatic in my mind.
At that moment, I realized the fact that my lack of spiritual education and ignorance of death also made me  suffer.
Before going by my gut, I decided to study for myself the very transition from life to death,  the meaning of our traditions as a consequence of which I defined my role in family life.

My research work is not finished yet, but there are good guidelines.
I studied two books: The Tibetan Book of the Dead «The Book of Ancestors», The traditions of my people, the study of the activities of a my and my spouse’s forefathers and at the moment I I am going into the message of the book «Bhavagadgita».
I believe that it was the death of beloved ones that left an indelible mark on my mind. The main lesson that I learned in the aftermath of recent events was to learn what was unknown and not clear to me. And my research gives me the opportunity to support and tell the right words to all those who come into my life with the same loss. And this is an inevitable cycle of life.

I will begin my narration with a short story about the memorial service.

In the final moments of man’s life, the mullah who is staying near the dying one reminds him of the need to say words from the Koran.
It is believed that when a certain surah is read next to the dying, this contributes to the easy escape of the soul from the body.
The deceased person’s eyes are closed, the jaw is tied with a handkerchief, the deceased is undressed, the ablutionary rites is carried out, the body is covered with a sheet and laid so the feet are placed in the direction of Mecca.

The notification of the death of close relatives, who for some reason do not know about what happened, is entrusted to an authoritative, senior person, but he hasn’t to act alone, not being in a rush, but very carefully.

Even in the modern world, Kazakhs put a yurt in the courtyard of the house.
In the yurt, the doors are always open, the tea is hot, a big cooking pot is put in the courtyard and the meal is cooked hot.
Relatives, close people, neighbors, friends from everywhere at different times of the day come to help with cooking, buying food, or simply express condolences in that house where there is a loss of a loved one.
The expression of condolence is accompanied with a strong hug and usually the words are a wish that the soul of the deceased finds peace after death.
At this point, you’re allowed to let your emotions out.

Women see the body of the deceased at the last moment, men burry in silence, only Mullah is allowed to pray.
To dig a grave and burry is allowed to all those who were nearby during life of the deceased.
After burial, everyone gathers at the same table to honor the loving memory of the deceased.
From my experience: on days like this we did not eat much. Someone was busy cooking, someone mourned and couldn’t stay strong. But the energy of loved ones and the energy of compassion give strength to spend days without food.
Concentration is spent on those who are depressed.
After the funeral, the mirrors are kept covered in the house, it is not allowed to make noise, do not turn off the light in the house during a week and relatives settle in the house of the deceased. Relatives stay at the house to bring the grieving side to the conversation. It is supposed to recall only bright or funny moments from the life of the deceased.
At such moments, the kitchen becomes a common room. Everyone cook everything together, clean it up together.
This how a person shares pain with loved ones and is not left alone.
In the first year after death, it is not supposed to sell the house, move to another city.
There is a belief that in the first year after death, the soul of the deceased comes home.

This is what I came up with while I was observing our traditions:
During the memorial ceremony, Our people’s qualities are more evident than ever before
— BAUYRMALDYQ[relatives feelings],
QAYYRYMDYLYQ [mercy].
To say goodbye to the deceased for the last time — this is the main significant goal of the family and surroundings of the deceased, for the family of the deceased this is not only a heartbreaking challange, but an important exam for cohesion and organization.
Every Friday we cook for seven pieces flatbread, they are fried in oil.
The smell of flatbread and oil spreads throughout the house. Seven  peices flatbread are dedicated to seven deceased grandfathers, we leave one flatbread in the house, the remaining six are given to neighbors.

In the sense of energy, the soul finds peace. The smell is about the same when I burn a lamp, this skill is taken in Mysore and combining with Kazakh traditions greatly changes the internal situation at home.
After the death of our fathers, I often visit the temple, church, mosque — any place where prayers are read. Or I read mantras myself. I am guided by the internal state. When I feel peace in my heart, ancestors are calm.
There are still some moments that came as knowledge after the death of fathers, but knowledge came after reading the Book: «Cult of ancestors. The power of blood».
The main message of the book is the study of its geneological tree, to be responsible for raising a new generation, to preserve the memory of ancestors, to read prayers, to strengthen family ties.
The book says that man is not only a biological being. People do not rely only on instincts, culture has a great importance to us, which is the main system, thanks to which we transfer our experience to descendants. This exists both at the level of universal human culture and at the level of the person himself and his relatives. And the culture of veneration of ancestors is what connects all people. After all, no matter what faith we believe in, we are someone’s descendants and, if lucky, someone’s ancestor.

When a spirit leaves this world after a man’s death, his soul stays here in the information field. If the living forget about it — it disappears, if they remember — it continues to be here. The memory of the soul can be preserved after the spirit is embodied in a new body and receives a new soul. In this case, the spirit will have access to information about its previous incarnation, that is, an understanding of  experience, which will help him further improve  strengths and correct mistakes. The information field is formed by living people  thoughts, so people seek to «stay in the memory of descendants» — this gives the spirit additional knowledge of themselves.

Therefore, the memory of ancestors is so important.

The memory of the living of the soul creates a connection between the spirit and the human’s world. If none of the living people recalls about the deceased person, does not remember, then his soul loses the «record» in the information field of the Earth and the spirit loses its memory. In this case, he cannot take advantage of  experience, and you need to live it again and again in order to truly learn and go to a new level.
I often recall one of the students asking Sharatji a question in an old shala : «Does he miss a  Guruji?»
Sharatji smiled and said: «How can I miss? He is here. He’s in our hearts. His energy is here with us all the time».
Now I think for a long time what brought me to Mysore?
Previously, I worked for Air Astana airlines, there was a Lost & Found — lost luggage department. Like this baggage, we travel with  emotional weight to India to get an example of strong blood, where a great cult was laid to knowledge, teachers, ancestors and spiritual life.
Watching everything that happened I realized the role in the family, I am responsible for the speech I give to the child, for the traditions that remained in the family.

In 2014-17, I worked closely with the Japanese community in Mysore.
I was able to understand how much they appreciate the presence of the person they’re talking to.
None of the them create a field for judging, sarcasm, or praising their merits or intrigue. Each of them gives space without pendulums and manipulations. Isn’t it a manifestation of value and respect for human’s life?

The Tibetan book of death says «weare moving towards the end», children are raised with these words and awareness of the value of life is inherent in each family. The memorial services are different. Unlike us in Tibetan culture, the study and preparation for death originates from childhood, and not from the first loss in the house.
Getting to know The Bhagavad Gita gave a new branch for thought.
Krishna said to Arjuna: Those who worship the devas will go to the realm of the devas;
Those who worship their ancestors will be United with after death.
Those who worship phantoms will become phantoms, but my devotees will come to me.
On my way, I met people who believe in angels. There are people who are completely esoteric and believe in other realities. My relatives worship ancestors and believe that ancestors communicate through dreams. There are people who believe in phantoms and different Gods and go to temples all the time.
My mind all the time perceived it like this: where is the truth ?! And the truth is everywhere. And this, and this, and this. The main thing is where you look, where you direct your energy and how devoted you are to your faith.
Everything is energy and the soul of all living things is immortal.

The 2020 pandemic prompted many to reconsider  life. And my vision of the mysore  classes has changed, I am moved by the empathy more. Someone might call it the amenity of my temper. A person comes with its baggage of emotions and experience and the best I can do: stand by, so that he does not damage himself, cheer up with words or teach if he wants to adopt any skill. I am increasingly beginning to feel the responsibility and meaning of conducting morning classes.
Due to the fact that we live many emotions on the mat, at the culmination points of life the ability to separate ourselves from the mental shell. And this is a support for common sound thinking. Having the appropriate support there are resources to help loved ones at the right time.

Over the past two years, I have a good and strong mental attitude: all weak points are landmarks, that is, the direction in which you need to explore and study. This is the basic doctrine of death.